Dahlias, a pie and a country fair

Adam, a dead ringer for his Grandpa Don Snobelen

And here we are. Adam with one blue and 3 red ribbons for his dahlias and Joni with one blue ribbon and a “Best in Show” rosette for her blackberry pie at the Saanichton Fair. And here I am with a powerful sense of déjà vu. Or, perhaps, just a joyful trip down memory lane.

Amongst the most memorable things my father told me was that his favourite place in the world was in his greenhouse surrounded by his begonias. It wasn’t just begonias. Some of the earliest pictures I’ve seen of Father are of him with his prize disbud chrysanthemums. I grew up in greenhouses filled with carnations, cyclamen and flats and flats of marigolds and other annual bedding plants bound for Victoria’s gardens.  

Don Snobelen was a man of flowers. For a while, I followed in his footsteps. I made thousands of his famous moss hanging baskets. When he stopped making the heavy, cumbersome baskets he brought me plants to augment the ones I grew in my own greenhouse.

But the flowers that bring back my fondest memories of Father are the gigantic poinsettias he brought me every Christmas. Religiously anti-Christmas, and anything that hinted of Christmas, he could not resist the glorious red “seasonal flower.” He knew what joy they brought me and my little family.

His last flower “crop” was his backyard of dahlias. A random mixed-bag of varieties. But when the flowers opened he knew every one of their faces by name. Father picked them. Mother bunched them along with cosmos, baby’s breath, snapdragons and … She displayed them on their roadside stand. Neighbours bought them. I often wondered if they knew the pleasure they gave to my aging parents.

Twice a day Mother went out to the stand to collect the quarters and dollar bills. I’m pretty sure it was the most enjoyable money my parents ever made. Her report of how good a day they had was directly hinged to the “take” in the jar.

While Father was a growing man, Mother was a cooking and baking woman. This is not to underestimate my mother’s broad-based skills and incredible intelligence, but Phyllis Snobelen was known for her delicious meals. Our table was always laden with good food and surrounded by people; family, friends and strangers. All were eager to eat. Father loved inviting people home for dinner…customers, hitchhikers, someone he met at a coffeeshop or on the street… Mother’s meals were simple and economical.

Her specialty was pies.

Phyllis Snobelen made the best pies. Berry pies. Cream pies. Apple pies. Beef pies. Turkey pies. At church meals people eyed over the pie table in search of a piece from one that was made by Auntie Phyl. Guests negotiated with each other over who got to eat the last piece of pie.

And, as you can imagine, Mother loved Father’s flowers and Father was the biggest fan of Mother pies.

After writing this far I’m a bit at a loss for words. I’m looking for something witty. Something important. Something profound. Yet many of the good things in life just are. They are simple. They aren’t about life’s lessons or what we can learn. They aren’t about improving the world. Or ourselves. They are a pie. Some dahlias. A big onion. A long scarlet runner bean. A country fair. Father received numerous ribbons at the Saanichton Fair for onions, beans, leeks, and dahlias. Many dahlias.

Joni’s Grandma Phyl never entered her pies in the fair but they would have been winners for sure

Telling stories

“Don’t tell stories.” How many times did my mother say those words to me? What she meant was “Tell the truth.” My mother had no time for fantasy or tolerance for lies. Life was black and white for Phyllis Snobelen. She was too busy and practical to wade through the complications of nuance.

There were hard truths in our family that were determined by our religious beliefs that provided her solid ground from which she could pronounce what was right and what was wrong.

Right here I’m stuck. Where do I go with this? Many of you are probably saying, “But if you were Christian isn’t your entire religion based on stories?”

Exactly. And the Bible provides some of the most popular stories in the western world. Stories from which my mother extracted her black and white, but that’s for another discussion at another time time. And then there’s Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

Not to diminish the importance of the stories I was raised with but we’ve come a long way since the late 50s and 60s when I was a child. Stories are not the opposite of truth. Stories are not “just” stories. They are the way humans have communicated with each other since we had language.

I’m thankful my mother lived long enough to hear me tell stories and to read some of the stories I had written. While she liked them she could never truly understand the point of it. From her perspective if a story wasn’t God’s story then it was of hugely diminished importance.

But when dementia began blurring the hard lines she had drawn in her life I spent hours with my mother telling her stories. Simple stories about buying a pair of boots or visiting an old friend kept her entertained. She told me stories that were a collage of her childhood and my childhood mixed with, perhaps, utter fantasy. She kept me entertained.

As her dementia progressed she struggled to remember even her closest friends. When a very dear family acquaintance died she had no recollection of him at all. It wasn’t until I recreated into a story something she had experienced dozens of times that she connected.

“Remember at the church on Sunday nights, Mom,” I said. “George (name change) the door man, with his long, dour face, paced across the back of the hall. He watched the second hand of the clock tick until it reached the 12 at 7:30…precisely 7:30. Then he shut the doors and sat down ready for the meeting to begin. Remember wondering why he never smiled?”

“Oh yes,” she said. “But he had a lovely wife who had a beautiful big smile for everyone.”

Stories didn’t just entertain my mother, they helped her connect to me, to her life and to the world. Stories aren’t just stories, they communicate the essence of what it means to be human.