In the past few weeks four friends passed away. One a life partner, one a professional associate, one a high school turned lifelong friend, one a neighbour. COVID, heart attack, advanced age, suicide. With each one I wanted to phone Diane. She would cry with me, complain with me, worry with me. We’d wonder. Why him? Who next? When us?
But Diane’s gone now as well and I have no one to call. For almost fifty years she was the one I phoned, that is, if she didn’t call me first.
I have a bearing missing. Diane kept my wheels connected to the axle. She was the part that kept the ride smooth when the road got bumpy.
This is the time of life we always talked about—the time when we lose our people. We talked about how important it was that we had each other.
It’s quiet here. The wind has settled. I’ve lit the candles. Their steady flames reach up. It will be light soon. I’m left wondering and thinking that in a way she’s still with me.
I have also had such feelings. Maybe, it gets to a point that everyone we would call on is in the next World…so, thinking of death of becomes so much less scary and more like ‘going home’ Before my Mum died she told me how much she love funerals, at the time I though it was morbid, but, I get it now….she used to say that it was the only time she got to actually to see her dwindling number of friends…
My condolences to family and friends, Diane will be missed by many. Travel safe, the ancestors are awaiting……
As we grow older, we more and more become the one left behind. It’s another aspect of mortality that we usually don’t think about. To be mortal is to love. To love is to embrace our mortality.
The thing about getting older is that we put ourselves on the path of those who are left behind. It’s another reminder of our mortality, that loving means we are willing to love even though we lose the ones we love. I personally think that god is in awe of our willingness to love knowing that.
Dear Sylvia,
I send you my condolences on the passing of your friends. I lost two friends this spring and miss them every day.I enjoy your blog and send you my best wishes
Jan
It’s so good to hear from you. It’s been a long time.